Mr. Crawfish, the elegant and well-tailored crustacean from Bayou Sophistication has ascended the throne as final arbiter of good taste in the seafood world. He replaces Charlie the Tuna, who merely tasted good.
Without further ado, here are Mr. Crawfish’s Top Ten Crawfish Movie Lines:
1. Chief Brody (Roy Scheider): “We’re going to need a bigger boat.” – Jaws, 1975.
In the immortal words of former U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, “There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know.” Mr. Crawfish says, “If you don’t know how much crawfish you’re going to catch, stay on the bank.”
2. Captain Ahab (Gregory Peck): “From hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee. Ye damned whale.” – Moby Dick, 1956.
Actually, Mr. Crawfish really, really, really likes this line.
3. Capt. Jack Aubrey (Russell Crowe): “England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship *is* England.” – Master and Commander of the Far Seas, 2003.
Mr. Crawfish and my minions are invading England as we speak. See Crayfish Bob.
4. Danny Fisher (Elvis Presley): “Well, I went to the bayou just last night. There was no moon, but the stars were bright. Put a big long hook on a big long pole and I pulled Mr. Crawfish out of his hole.” – King Creole, 1958.
All Elvis had to do is sing. I can’t imagine him trying to catch Mr. Crawfish any other way…and I’m talking about young Elvis, not drug-addled Elvis. “Put a long hook on a big long pole?” – Ridiculous. That’s how you catch one crawfish. As Pappy O’Donnell said, “We ain’t one-a-timing. We’re mass communicating!”
5. Ameilia Sarah Dedham (Elizabeth Allen): “I had the strangest feeling that you were going to kiss me.” -Donovan’s Reef, 1963.
What, now? It’s bad enough you want to suck my head. Mr. Crawfish, however, in your case, will make an exception. Pucker up, baby.
6. Mr. Goodman (Christopher Lloyd): “Piranha hunt in packs – not for protection, but for overwhelming force. They’re organized, methodical. The first bite draws blood. The blood draws the pack.” – Piranha, 2010.
Mr. Crawfish is simply undone. Piranha – how rude.
7. Rose (Kate Winslet): “There’s a boat, Jack…” –Titanic, 1997.
<sniff>Give me a minute, will you? Tito, do you have a tissue?
8. Clemenza (Richard S. Castellano): “Leave the gun…take the crawfish.” –The Godfather, 1972.
Mr. Crawfish is not above using poetic license. Crawfish are as good as cannoli.
9. Irving Rosenfeld (Christian Bale): [Rosalyn has accidentally destroyed their new microwave] I told you not to put crawfish in the science oven, what did you do that for?” – American Hustle, 2013.
Important safety note: you must be very, very careful with crawfish.
10. Crawfish Charlie (Ray Gaspard): “My boy is out there!.” – Return to Boggy Creek, 1977.
Mr. Crawfish sincerely believes Crawfish Charlie is one of the greatest film characters ever created. No…really. Mr. Crawfish can have his own peccadilloes. Isn’t Mr. Crawfish entitled?