What the NFL really meant to say…

Photo courtesy @PaulyHoward

Photo courtesy @PaulyHoward

BREAKING NEWS FROM CRAWFISH REPORT

Saints Memes on Twitter, a highly respected news source, said National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell clarified conditions that the Slap Ya Mama commercials would be allowed to re-air on Cox Sports Network Saints pre-season football games.

“The problem is all in semantics,” Goodell was reported to say. “When we say ‘tough on domestic violence,’ we mean just that. When Cajuns say ‘Slap Ya Mama,’ we don’t know what that means. However, we stand by our pledge to keep running back Ray Rice out of the lineup for at least two games. We are also going to make him watch Ally McBeal re-runs on Netflix until he learns his lesson that the NFL won’t put up with the helmet slap, butt slap, bitch slap, woman decking, elevator violence, the Jimmy Graham dunk, secondary muggings and, uh, uh,…oh, yeah…domestic violence.”

“About the Saints and Slap Ya Mama seasoning products… most of the time we can’t understand your French/Cajun/Urban/Southern accents so we don’t know what you’re talking about half the time. We decided to err on the the side of caution and prohibit use of a bloody red zone on the tv broadcasts, OK? Football is violent enough already. Also, we don’t need no backward Southern city telling us how to run our highly lucrative non-profit business. I mean, we make so much freaking money, it’s ree-donkulous. We also don’t like Obama and if he calls the winner of the Super Bowl, we’re going to reverse the phone charges.”

As the press conference ended, Goodell passed out $100 bills to the “jocks-playing-media-professional” news media. “Y’all make sure you get this story right or I’ll cut funding for the brain-damage study,” he was heard to say as he got into a NFL golf cart. Paparazzi followed Goodell’s golf cart until he drove it into a VIP section of the Louisiana State Capitol, where he was given a special retirement package. READ THE STORY