Monsieur Ecrevisse: What not to do in your crawfish hole

Crawfish Report redMonsieur Ecrevisse here.

Of course, Monsieur Ecrevisse is a crawfish of leisure, and, as such, does not hold a regular job. But we have often been in the great halls of commerce and witnessed abominable lapses of character. With that in mind, Monsieur Ecrevisse brings you Journalist Kathy Caprino’s brilliant “The Top 5 Things You Should Never Do At Work.” READ KATHY’S ARTICLE

Naturally, Monsieur Ecrevisse would not leave Crawfish Nation without imparting to homo sapiens things he/she should never, ever do when it comes to Louisiana crawfish. Do not exhibit these behaviors in your crawfish hole, excuse me, homes or in public:

1. “Crawfish” out of a deal. I have no idea how this horrid aphorism was conceived. Crawfish do not crawfish.Crustaceans perambulate, sashay, saunter, and strut, if you will. After all, we are keystone species, the kings of the food chain. But Politicians? Politicians crawfish, weasel, lie and even talk through their hats and out both sides of their mouths…the list goes on. <sigh>

2. Eat the black line. There is no need for speed eating. One wouldn’t eat the organic material in, say, a cow’s alimentary canal, would one? It’s unhygienic. Good hygiene is always important.

3. Over- or under- season the crawfish. The master crawfish boiler’s job is of the utmost importance. Do not leave this job to a defensive back belonging to the New Orleans Saints. They don’t know how to stop anything, least of all refrain from adding too much salt.

4. Eat anything but fresh Louisiana crawfish. If you are eating satisfied eating imported Chinese frozen tail meat that has been shipped thousands of miles and frozen for months, there is no hope for your Philistine taste. And, if you serve frozen Chinese crawfish to your guests, you do them a disservice. Allow them to revel in the umami of the freshest tail meat. If you want to eat Chinese crawfish tail meat, eat it in Beijing..