Quick Scotland, cook some rice!

Roy, the Crawfish Soldier of Capital City Crawfish in Baton Rouge, La.

Roy, the Crawfish Soldier of Capital City Crawfish in Baton Rouge, La.

Dear Scotland,

Can we talk crawfish to crawfish? You’re making a terrible mistake. In the 1960s we used to say, “Make love, not war.” Well, Crawfish Report says, “When life gives you crawfish, make etouffee.”

National Public Radio reports that Scottish trout fishing waters are becoming infested with the North American Signal crawfish and crowding trout out of their natural habitat. And now all law-abiding Scots are required to murder any signal crawfish they find.

Surely there must be a better way.

“No,” Scotland says. “We don’t want to feed Scots crawfish because they taste so good. We’ll become addicted.”

Scotty: “I dinnna know what I cann do, Captain. There’s too many of them.”

Captain Kirk: “Scotty, you’re fired. Uhuru, chop some onions. Sulu, cook some rice!”

The Scots love their trout but Crawfish Report likes crawfish more. HEAR THE NPR STORY

The crawfish is a hardy breed. Crawfish Report has said it before and will say it again: Crawfish is conquering the world one epicurean at a time.”

See also: He’s no Crocodile Dundee – He’s Crayfish Bob!; Be careful what you ask for … Louisiana crawfish will whip Maryland crawfish anyday